Please, let me fuck your mom
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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