I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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