made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
