I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
