i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
