even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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