i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
