I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize