Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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