I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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