you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
