Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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