i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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