I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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