Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
