He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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