how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
