I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize