I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
