between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
