its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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