Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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