Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
