I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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