i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
