I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
