Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
