Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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