I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
