I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
