I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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