do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
