Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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