going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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