Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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