wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
