She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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