You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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