Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
