as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
