i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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