I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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