I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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