I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
