He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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