Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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