i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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