i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
