Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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