Tell her she can't have a vagina
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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