Moan for me like Helen Keller
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize