Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
