Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You need Xanax blowdarts
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
