I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
