Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
