I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
