thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
