I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Come share oat with me in your robe
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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