that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.