i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.