Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.