So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD