covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness