"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize